Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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