So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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