the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
