It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think your dad took our porno
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
