Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
