she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
