i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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