So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
