my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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