Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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