Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
