he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
