is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
