The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
