for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
