found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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