Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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