You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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