I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
