Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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