i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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