I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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