this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I need to stop coming to work sober
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
