I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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