just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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