Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
