I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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