Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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