I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
