she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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