Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
