Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
