god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize