my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My life is pants optional.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
