i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
