how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
