that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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