i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
this hospital has no fireball
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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