i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
honey bunches of taint.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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