spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
