whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
