Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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