so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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