I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
