Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
