She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
