so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
