if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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