last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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