I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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