Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
