In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
