I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
