I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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