how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
