NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish my penis had a tongue
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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