The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
