There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
