and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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