somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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