Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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