Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
